The man behind Donald Trump

This week America shocked the world when it became clear that GOP frontrunner Donald Trump is in fact none other than actor Reginald Beasley. I am meeting him at the tiny Lena Coffee Shop in Greenwich Village New York. I arrive a little early and find a spot at the window. A few minutes later a bald guy with a stubble comes in and glances around. Only then do I realize that this is in fact the ex-Donald; Reginald Beasley. I introduce myself and he grabs a stool next to me.

You have ditched the comb-over?

Yeah, I have been Donald Trump for such a long time, I need to change things up a little to get back to being me.

Are you happy you can drop the act now?

Mixed feelings I guess. It was demanding to drag around an ego the size of Jupiter all the time, but to be honest I did fall in love with the guy. I have been playing this role for 36 years, I am not sure I can just drop the act. I might be the first person ever to say “I have to reinvent myself” without that phrase being complete and utter bullshit.
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Join me to refresh your life. For free!

So… I wrote an article called the 7 best principles to live by. Some of you asked me whether I meant the whole thing as a joke. I guess principle number 7 can make it seem that way.

No… it is not a joke. I don’t really believe these are the 7 best principles to guide you in life, but I do believe that all 7 have value. They can make your life more interesting and you might even elevate yourself to the mental state of having fun.

But… as it is with advice; it is easier to dish out, than to take. I don’t always live by these principles and it is time for me to take a refresher course.

And I would like you to join me!

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The 7 best principles to live by

Are you wondering what to do with your life this year? Just follow these rules, it is that easy!

1. Try something new

The best brain exercise is to take your grey cells on a little run off the beaten track. Even small things can do wonders; find a new route to the supermarket, buy pink socks, draw a cartoon, mix up your morning routine. Anything counts as long as you have never done it before.
Doing something new is a great way to excel at the next principle:

2. Fail at something

Sure you can learn from success, but you can learn a whole lot more from a good mess. You can’t test your limits, if you never cross them. Also, failure makes you more human and you’ll be a lot more fun to talk to at parties. Mr. Perfect doesn’t have that many real friends.

3. If you love someone, tell them

Your lover, your wife, husband, grandma, son, cat, the policeman who held back on the parking ticket, the girl who makes you an awesome mochachistretto, Alec Baldwin. If you love ’em, speak up.

4. Share

Share your goods and services. Why should we all buy a lawnmower and learn how to fix a car? Are you great at baking pies? Bake two and find someone who could really use a pie to lift their spirits. It will be worth your expenses, trust me. But more importantly share joy, sorrow and whatever is moving your soul at the moment. The best way we can connect is not via LinkedIn or Facebook, it is sharing what is going on in our minds.

5. Lose an argument

Don’t avoid conflict. If you stand for what you belief in you are bound to clash with others every now and then. Just be prepared to fall off your high horse. The best way to prove to yourself that you still have a flexible mind is to really listen to others and dare yourself to change your mind.

6. Ask yourself a question

Although zombie movies are cool, being a mindless zombie isn’t. Sometimes you have to check whether you accidentally switched on the auto-pilot. There is not just one question, so find out what works for you. Some examples:
What is really important to me in life?
What made me happy today?
What did I do today that made someone else happy?
What is my quest and what is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
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This is where I draw the line

“This is where I draw the line!”

– Cornelis Lely

He did of course say it in Dutch: Hier trek ik de lijn! To be honest; there are no records of him actually saying anything like that. But he might have. To his wife, in a completely unrelated matter. Perhaps pertaining to her addiction to buying him socks. Odd colored socks. With dots. The pink socks with purple dots were too much! Lely was not a dot person, more a person to connect them. To make a line.
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Missing cat

Missing Cat

– Hello

I am sorry for your loss.

– Sorry?

Your cat. I saw your poster. I share your pain.

– Oh. My poster.

Yes. I share your pain.

– Your cat went missing too?

No, I don’t have a cat. But I saw your poster and I can relate to what you are going through.

– Ehm.. thanks I guess. But someone found my cat, I got it back.

Still, it must have been rough. If you need to talk about it. I am a good listener.

– Not really, I am fine. The cat is doing fine.

Are you sure?

– Yes yes. Everything is fine.

Must be nice having a cat.

– Well, sure. She is a great cat.

Yes. I did like the picture on your poster. She seems very gentle. And understanding, her eyes, they seem to understand you.

– Uhm.. okay.

Would you mind if I stop by and meet your cat?

– I don’t think…

No fuss, I just come over for tea. I can bake raspberry pie. Your cat can sit on my lap. You can talk. I’ll listen.

– No, sorry, I don’t think…

I am a good listener.

– Sorry, I am going to hang up now.

I understand.

Planet X-107: Find your better self here!

Planet X-107
It’s just me and Karl now.

I guess it serves me right for being so gullible. I’m just a sucker for planets with the label “New Eden”. The ad showed some random galaxy, a daring font screamed “find your better self here”, followed by a huge red arrow.

“Clean atmosphere.” No clue how clean it is, but it smells as if I’m locked up in a sleeping bag with someone else’s fart. Taking a gulp of air is a safety hazard. Constant sand storms ensure that opening your mouth will fill it with stinging silicon choke powder in milliseconds.
“Abundance of food sources; huge vegetables ripe for the picking!” The huge cucumber we found yesterday picked up Igor and ate him. I didn’t stick around to find out how it tastes in a tzatziki.

Wilson our mission leader bolted for our escape pod. I’m no pod-expert, but I am quite sure they are not supposed to blow up like that. The explosion fried most of our emergency supplies.

It’s just me and Karl now. On the one hand Karl puts his faith in divine intervention. At the same time he keeps checking his iPhone, mumbling “as soon as I get my 3G up Google Maps will find us the nearest Wendy’s in no time.”

I should be terrified, but somehow all I can think of is whether or not my dental plan covers the extra fangs growing from my elbows.

Twitter Formats

Here are a few Twitter formats for you to use. See one you like? Let me know and I’ll assign it to you.

Free Advice

Description: Give advice to anyone about anything. Whether anyone asked for your advice or not is irrelevant. Can be in response to other tweets or just comment on the news or offer advice to a famous person, who is caught in a scandal.
Pay-off: I don’t know everything, but I have an opinion about it.

Unfamous Quotes

Description: Quotes that somehow never made it into Wikiquotes.
Pay-off: “I shall create man, so he can write down all the awesome things I say…” – God

Tomorrow’s headlines

Description: They say that nowadays the news is realtime. Why not take it to the next level?
Pay-off: Because the news just ain’t fresh enough.
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Google DNA Maps

Google’s newest adventure: Google DNA Maps!

As always Google’s new technology comes with its own controversy: can we still claim ownership over that tiny string of atoms we so carelessly tossed aside?

I made this video together with Michiel Peereboom of Vlakkeland.